I can't decide what to do with this blog.
Should I make a separate "my issues/bull crap blog"?
I always contemplate not even having a blog but then suddenly people tell me they read it and want to keep in touch. Ok, that's cool.
I just am not sure what to do because I want this blog to be more about Mitch and I rather than only me. That is what has happened in the last few months and I am not sure if I like it.
I think the reason I am contemplating this again is because people who have read my blog (my last post in particular about my issues/Paleo) have asked me if I am okay and that they are worried about me. This is not what I want to happen with this blog. I want to be able to just say whatever and not worry. I think the reason why I never started a blog only for my health stuff is because I want people to really read it. I am not looking for sympathy. I promise. I just want awareness. I know I haven't said exactly what my problem is. Though, if you look at all the clues I have given you could google it an figure it out.
I think another reason I even want to keep a blog is I want to someday feel I am on the winning side of the battle and use this blog as a resource for others who have what I have.
I think I am embarassed by what I have? Maybe? I get frustrated that it is actually pretty common (and even more common because many are undiagnosed) and no one knows how downright awful and sucky it can be sometimes. It is not always awful though in the sense of functioning. I am able to work (I do have bad days though). I go to church (sometimes I sleep straight through it). I seem normal. I am not "sick" as most people think of someone that has a disorder. But, I wouldn't consider myself well. I just feel off. Let me put it this way, I know what it used to feel like to feel good and I am not that way right now. I want to get back to that. I have days where I feel well (physically, emotionally, and mentally) and days where I definitely don't. But, I can still function. So, does that make sense?? Not really? Ok, sorry. I am not good with words.
**I get frustrated that people think what I have can just be fixed. It can't (at least not right now according to medical science). It was once thought that it could be fixed but then it was discovered a simple procedure doesn't cure it. It can be managed, not fixed. **
This brings me to my next point. I think when I wrote my post the other night I was worried that I came across as being depressed which . . . . . . is exactly what ended up happening. So, let me clarify. I am not depressed. I am frustrated. I have days where I feel down but I am not clinically depressed. Is clinically frustrated a diagnosis? If so, then I have it. Honestly, I am happy. I laugh everyday. I delight in fresh air. I recognize my blessings daily.
I am not depressed. I have no reason to be depressed.
I am alive.
I can walk.
I have a job.
Mitch is in school.
My Mom is alive. She is a fighter.
My Dad is alive.
Family.
Friends.
I have a new niece!
(I can't forget my kitty! :)
I am grateful.
There are a million other reasons I could elaborate on but you get the point.
Just call me Frustrated.
So, what do you think? Should I make a separate blog?
Should I make a separate "my issues/bull crap blog"?
I always contemplate not even having a blog but then suddenly people tell me they read it and want to keep in touch. Ok, that's cool.
I just am not sure what to do because I want this blog to be more about Mitch and I rather than only me. That is what has happened in the last few months and I am not sure if I like it.
I think the reason I am contemplating this again is because people who have read my blog (my last post in particular about my issues/Paleo) have asked me if I am okay and that they are worried about me. This is not what I want to happen with this blog. I want to be able to just say whatever and not worry. I think the reason why I never started a blog only for my health stuff is because I want people to really read it. I am not looking for sympathy. I promise. I just want awareness. I know I haven't said exactly what my problem is. Though, if you look at all the clues I have given you could google it an figure it out.
I think another reason I even want to keep a blog is I want to someday feel I am on the winning side of the battle and use this blog as a resource for others who have what I have.
I think I am embarassed by what I have? Maybe? I get frustrated that it is actually pretty common (and even more common because many are undiagnosed) and no one knows how downright awful and sucky it can be sometimes. It is not always awful though in the sense of functioning. I am able to work (I do have bad days though). I go to church (sometimes I sleep straight through it). I seem normal. I am not "sick" as most people think of someone that has a disorder. But, I wouldn't consider myself well. I just feel off. Let me put it this way, I know what it used to feel like to feel good and I am not that way right now. I want to get back to that. I have days where I feel well (physically, emotionally, and mentally) and days where I definitely don't. But, I can still function. So, does that make sense?? Not really? Ok, sorry. I am not good with words.
**I get frustrated that people think what I have can just be fixed. It can't (at least not right now according to medical science). It was once thought that it could be fixed but then it was discovered a simple procedure doesn't cure it. It can be managed, not fixed. **
This brings me to my next point. I think when I wrote my post the other night I was worried that I came across as being depressed which . . . . . . is exactly what ended up happening. So, let me clarify. I am not depressed. I am frustrated. I have days where I feel down but I am not clinically depressed. Is clinically frustrated a diagnosis? If so, then I have it. Honestly, I am happy. I laugh everyday. I delight in fresh air. I recognize my blessings daily.
I am not depressed. I have no reason to be depressed.
I am alive.
I can walk.
I have a job.
Mitch is in school.
My Mom is alive. She is a fighter.
My Dad is alive.
Family.
Friends.
I have a new niece!
(I can't forget my kitty! :)
I am grateful.
There are a million other reasons I could elaborate on but you get the point.
Just call me Frustrated.
So, what do you think? Should I make a separate blog?
6 comments:
Do not make a seperate blog!
If you make a separate blog, I want to read it! I enjoy reading your posts and I don't think it is bad to include it here. It is a part of yours and Mitch's life right now. And I don't think you sound depressed.
Miss you Megs!
I enjoy reading your blog how it is. I think you're doing a great job at making people aware. I had a companion on my mission with similar problems that she is still dealing with today. I've told her to try Paleo after reading your blog, I'm still waiting to hear if it's helped her. Thanks for sharing about Paleo, at least it's something she can try!
I think you should be able to express yourself on your blog however you want. I don't think you're depressed, I just think you're very matter-of-fact! I love that you're letting us in on the journey of health. Everyone could be more open!
I don't think you have to make a separate blog. It is all about what is going on in your daily life, and we all have our ups and downs. So I think it helps us
to know we aren't alone in similar problems. I really enjoy reading it.
I vote against a separate blog. This syndrome is what you are dealing with right now, so it is part of you and people who care about you want to know what's going on, good or bad.
I remember when Dr. L. asked me at the beginning of my bull crap if I was depressed. I told him that my situation was depressing, but I wasn't depressed.
Is that where you are, possibly? Your life is not as great as it used to be, but still pretty darn fabulous, right?
Just wait till you come home and see our beautiful Scarlet Ann, she will remind you that life is good and that you can kick that PCOS to the curb, right next to my LC!
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