Monday, May 2, 2011

I don't even know where to start

I realize it has been a little over a month since I posted.

**Warning if you feel like reading about me complain of my problems then go ahead and read. You will like this post. If you want to read something funny go to the end of the post.**

*** Sometimes I hate that I complain and think woe is me. It's not like I have lung cancer. I could use a lesson or two of being positive as exemplified by my Mom. But, I am selfish that way. Go me. ***

I just have not been sure what to say. Well, here it goes. Are you ready? I am in a weird mood right now and may look back at this post and wonder what the heck I was thinking. In fact, I know I will. Oh, and I can't fall asleep so I am writing this wayyyy too late at night and my sleepy brain is shrouding my sense.

After about 70 days or so of gluten-free and about 40 days of Paleo I got super bored with the food I was eating. I know there are no excuses because there are a million recipes out there. But, you have to consider my limited cooking abilities, my lack of cooking confidence, and my time. I hate to say this but I don't have time to cook more elaborate meals nor do I have the energy.

So, with that being said I decided to experiment. I was (and still am) skeptical of Paleo. Don't get me wrong I think it is great. It promotes healthy eating. How can that be so bad? It's not bad, it is great. I am just still not convinced of the theories behind Paleo. In fact, the "bull crap" that I have does not have a defined causation in the medical community. In fact, the medication I take was discovered to work only by chance.

So, I started doing Paleo because a major theory out there for the cause of the "bull crap" condition I have is that it is caused by autoimmunity. Paleo is considered a way of eating that does not cause your body to elicit those autoimmune responses (inflammation, cytokines, macrophages, all those good immunity efforts your body puts out). So, really, I was testing a good theory upon a good theory.

One of my biggest goals is to lose weight because losing weight helps increase fertility (yes, gasp! I am thinking of pregnancy). Have I lost weight? Yes, and no. The first five was due to water weight loss and the other few after that were because I started to take my medication again ( I was off it while Paleo and am on it again because for some reason I felt I should go back on it again. That is a story for another day) and it makes me super nauseated all the time. I just don't like to eat sometimes. So, I wouldn't say Paleo has been particularly successful to help me lose weight.

*Before you say or think anything, let me answer your inevitable question. Yes, I work out. I work out everyday. Sometimes for 2 hours As much as I love to work out always thinking about how I need to work out gets old sometimes.*

Like I mentioned before, I did notice some physical appearance improvements with Paleo. I think that is a major reason I am not giving up on it quite yet because those improvements were really telling to me. But, there was something that kind of got messed up which really disappointed me about Paleo. What?! I was so confused.

I can't even remember where I am going with this post now......

Oh, yes, my other Paleo experience. So, I decided to go 90/10 with Paleo. All in all not too bad. Hmmmm, so that means I can have some "regular" food and still feel okay???? Then, I went 80/20, 70/30 and downwards. I would say my worst has been down to 50/50 but for the most part I was 70/30.

Result? I have had no energy. Literally, this is the reason for not posting for several, several days. It has been pathetic. But, I am not sure if it is just coincidence or not. I get this way every few months and it lasts for a few weeks. So, was it from being not so Paleo or was it just from how things are with the "bull crap"?

One thing I definitely discovered (which I already knew but it was confirmed 100%) sugar and I are not friends. We are star-crossed lovers. I love sugar. Seriously I love candy. But it causes me problems. Case-in-point, I currently look like a 14-year-old going through puberty. I have acne. Yep, that's right I have had to pull out the Proactive. Sucky. I have no one to blame but myself. Easter was not a good day (s) for me when it came to eating chocolate and candy.

Now, I just don't have energy. Though, I feel it is coming back again.

*Before you say anything or think this, just stop. Yes, I had my thyroid tested yet again. I even got more extensive testing done including antibodies. As of now, my thyroid is fine.*

Duh, this is main point of my post. I am so sick and tired of this thing. I feel it has robbed me of my energy for life these last few years and it may rob me of the same and even more in the future. I often feel bad for Mitch. I think he stays because I have a nice rack (sorry to embarrass you!). I need to get control of this situation.

I feel some aspects are under control but not everything.

So....... where do I go from here? I am not sure. I could say liposuction but that won't do anything. My problem will just make the jiggles come back. So, I am not spending money on something so worthless. Oh, and I don't have that money so that helps :) Oh, and before you say, "you aren't fat!" You are right, I am not. I am not thin. I am regular. That is fine. But, I just don't feel right. That's why I am trying to change things.

I feel a weepy 80's song coming on or even better, a weepy seminary song coming on....

Have you ever fallen asleep at the computer with your finger on the board??? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

That is how I have been every day. Blah, sleepy.

Mitch and I love to laugh about this because we both have done this while at the computer lab at BYU. Good memories of sleep deprivation by studying.


Erika said...

My favorite line was you said Mitch stays for your Rack! AHA! Made my day. But I am sorry for all the bull crap you have to go through. It totally isn't fair. I wish there was an easy answer for you, but know that we are thinking of you and praying for you! Wish I could see you in Utah.

Mom said...